


No Judgement

by ElizaSam



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Comforting Magnus, Expectations, Fluff, M/M, Malec!fluff, kiss, overwhelmed Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22612186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaSam/pseuds/ElizaSam
Summary: Alec carries the weight of worlds on his shoulders, but sometimes it's the smallest thing that becomes too much. Luckily, he has Magnus.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Malec - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 163
Collections: Malec One Shots





	No Judgement

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "No Judgement" by Niall Horan.

**[Incoming text at 6:38 pm, Isabelle Lightwood] **Hey Magnus, can you check up on Alec? He seemed a bit off today.****

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**[Sent text at 6:40 pm] **Off?****

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**[Incoming text at 6:41 pm, Isabelle Lightwood] **Like…****

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**[Incoming text at 6:49 pm, Isabelle Lightwood] **Like down, heavy almost. It’s probably nothing, but would you check anyway? He should be home in a few minutes.****

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**[Sent text at 6:50 pm] **Of course. Thank you for letting me know.****

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Magnus set down his phone just as the door of the loft opened, a disheveled Alec in the doorway. His posture was stiff and face stony, though his hardly dirtied clothes meant patrol couldn’t have been too bad. 

“Rough day?” 

Alec shook his head, quickly stripping off his gear and dropping it into the basket by the door. “Not really. Just long.”

“I’m not sure I believe that. Your face looks like you walked in on Jace and Clary, single-handedly killed a dozen demons, and faced the Clave… all at the same time.” Extending an arm, Magnus dragged Alec onto the couch and pulled his husband’s long legs sideways over his own. 

“Not exactly,” Alec groaned, accepting the hug but hesitating to take what he really wanted. 

Though the two had been together far past the point of unfamiliarity, Alec still tended to revert to his conservative habits. He’d been shaped and molded into the Shadowhunter form all his life, trained to be the best; and in many ways he was. Alec was the best archer in North America, the obvious choice for Head of the New York Institute, and could give Jace a run for his money in hand-to-hand combat. His regard for Downworlders had gained him respect and renown throughout the Shadow World, and his nonstop protectiveness for those he loved had been noticed by many Shadowhunters, even if some disapproved of it extending to Magnus. 

However, Alec had been entirely unprepared for a relationship. His brief stint with Lydia had never involved physical touch or affection beyond that of two friends, and the secret of his sexuality meant he had never had the chance to experiment. Only through slow discovery and immense patience on Magnus’s part had his husband finally become comfortable in the physicality of their relationship. Even still, Alec sometimes struggled with voicing his wishes, or taking them when he needed, and Magnus often had to nudge the Shadowhunter. This was one of those times. 

Brushing fleetingly against a warm cheek, Magnus pulled dark locks toward himself, allowing Alec to nuzzle into his neck. He didn’t quite understand what it was about this position that calmed Alec so much, but they’d been through enough together that he knew it would help. 

Alec, on the other hand, relaxed immediately, inhaling the scent of vanilla and sandalwood- the scent of Magnus. He rarely indulged himself so blatantly, but the Shadowhunter _craved _the safe feeling and intimate position. Though Magnus greatly enjoyed Alec’s neck- a fact he demonstrated on a regular basis with the deflect rune- he was not affected by it in the same way Alec was. The crook between his husband’s jaw and collarbone, where he was completely engulfed by Magnus, was the only place that Alec ever truly let go.__

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Feeling the body atop him slacken, Magnus knew that his husband had finally rested. “Darling?” he whispered, pressing soft kisses onto Alec’s forehead. “What’s really going on?” 

“... nughhh…”

Magnus chuckled, low and intimate. “I’m going to need you to try that again.”

“... It’s- it’s nothing…”

“It’s not nothing, sweetheart. Look at the state it has you in.” Silence stretched across the room. “Can I speculate that it has to do with Isabelle? And perhaps Jace as well?” The lack of an answer was enough of an affirmation, and Magnus sighed. “Alexander…”

“I just- I just want to protect them. Why can’t I do that?”

“Was one of them injured today?” Magnus asked, his hand stroking the small of Alec’s back. 

“Izzy nearly got attacked by a demon. It- it snuck up behind her, and Jace barely got to it in time.” 

“She’s alright, Alexander,” came the soft reply. “I doubt she thought anything of it.” _I know she didn’t think anything of it _, Magnus thought to himself. The incident hadn’t been enough to even stick in Isabelle’s mind when she’d texted him earlier.__

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“That’s not- that’s not the point. I was supposed to watch her back. I was supposed to make sure that nothing snuck up on her, and I didn- I- i failed.” He let out a shuddering breath. “Jace had to save her. That’s not his job; that’s mine, and I didn’t do it.” 

“Oh, Alexander…” Magnus hugged his Shadowhunter tightly. “You didn’t fail. Isabelle and Jace are adults; their safety is not your responsibility.”

Alec leaned up, his eyes glassy. “If I can keep them from dy- if I can keep them from getting hurt, then it is my job. I’m their big brother, Magnus. Is that so- why is that so wrong?” His voice broke on the last word, a sob nearly crashing to the surface. 

“Shhh...” Magnus cooed, pressing Alec’s face back into his neck and slowly rocking them back and forth. It took nearly ten minutes for the shaking in Alec’s body to stop, and even then he didn’t lift his head. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, sweetheart. You love them. But, darling, love shouldn’t be a burden. They’re not your cargo, precious as they might be, just as I am not-”

“No, Magnus, but they’re family.”

“I may not be your family, Alexander-”

“Magnus, I didn’t mean-” Alec tensed in his arms, pressing closer to the warmth radiating into his body. 

“Let me finish, Alexander. I may not be your family by birth, but you are the single most important person in the world to me; you are _my _family.” The arms around Alec tightened, a hint of possessiveness present. “And that protectiveness you feel? That’s how I feel about you.”__

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A moment of silence passed. “Really?”

“Yes,” Magnus replied, sounding vulnerable. “And it kills- it _kills _me to send you to work every day knowing that you could be fighting for your life at any moment.”__

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“So that’s why it takes so long for you to let go of me.” 

“Partly, but let’s not discount a few other… highly persuasive reasons.” The side of his mouth quirks up momentarily before Magnus’s eyes turn serious again. “But Alexander, you don’t have to carry the weight of the worlds.”

“I don’t-”

“You do. Every day you carry Izzy and Jace and Clary and Simon on your back, placing yourself between them and any harm. You are always offering me your strength, and I know you’d lay your life down in a second for Raphael, Madzie, even mundanes.”

“Well, I might hesitate on Camille.”

Magnus barked out a laugh. “I will give you that. But even Camille, you’d free if it meant sparing her from the wrath of the Clave. If it came down to it, you’d save her as well.”

Alec shrugged. “Nobody deserves that, not even Camille Belcourt.”

“But don’t you see, Alexander, you don’t deserve that either. You’ve taken on the weight of the Clave, the mundane world, the Downworld- they’re not all your responsibility. I love you for your kindness and duty, and I know that they’re important to you. But, it’s okay if it’s too much sometimes.”

Alec shook his head. “It’s not okay, Magnus. I’m the Head of the Institute; people rely on me. The Clave expects me to deliver, mundanes will always need saving from the demons they can’t even see, and I might be the only Nephilim advocating for the _entire _Shadow World. I won’t let them hurt Downworlders. I won’t let them hurt _you _, Magnus.” The last words were spoken with such seriousness, nearly a threat, that gravity fell over the room.____

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“And I love you for that, Alexander. You would blow up the very ground you walk on to make something right. I love that. I love you.” Magnus brushed a hand across Alec’s cheek, the metal of his rings leaving cool tracks. “But in this room, I’m just Magnus. And you’re just Alexander. I didn’t marry the Head of the Institute. I didn’t marry an advocate for the Downworld or a soldier to protect me. I married Alexander Lightwood because I fell in love with him. And my husband is allowed to be overwhelmed. Let me share your burdens.” 

Alec stuttered out a breath. “I- I don’t- I don’t know what that feels like.”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“For as long as I can remember, that’s never been an option. Being overwhelmed is being weak, and that only brings judgement and failed expectations. Letting go has never been a choice.”

“It is here, Alexander.” 

“Where? This loft?” asked Alec, gesturing to the room. 

Magnus couldn’t help but smile. “Of course this loft is a safe place, but I was referring to us. To you in my arms.” He squeezed tightly. “Here. When you’re with me, there is no judgement. You don’t have to prove anything to me, sweetheart; here, you can just be yourself. And if you’re overwhelmed, then I want to know about it and to share in your burdens.” 

The body wrapped within Magnus’s arms shuffled, legs moving to straddle his waist as arms wound around his neck. Alec sat fully in his husband’s lap, leaning forward to connect their lips. 

The kiss was not one of tension or passion. Though callused hands stroked at the nape of Magnus’s neck and a few blue sparks erupted from those settled on Alec’s hips, the two were in no hurry. They poured their feelings of love and protection, fear and understanding into one another, lips doing little more than press against each other. It was an embrace of raw intimacy, of emotional appreciation and complete acceptance. 

It was the kind of kiss that only they could share. 

“Hmmmm…” Magnus hummed, his husband peppering kissing across his jawline and down his neck. “Does that- does that sound okay?”

“That-” _kiss, kiss _“sounds perfect.”__


End file.
